Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I am definately NOT smarter than a 5th grader

because lately I can't seem to do the simplest things with the new technology. My GPS thinks its in Mexico but isn't sure because it cannot find itself via satellite. Also I can only work it on the computer screen, its like a little virtual GPS on-screen but the moment I unhook it from the computer, it freezes. Some kind of artificial intelligence mental breakdown I think. I only put the Mexico map on it because I'd love someday to drive to there. If Sheila (my GPS, she says turn this way, she says turn that way, therefore Sheila) can't find her groove soon I don't know how I'll find my way anywhere.

My digital photo frame (a Christmas present for my father) is filled with pictures that I put on it but can I remember how I did it? And the instructions that come with the darned thing don't seem to cover anything at all just how you go online and share all your photo's with everyone. I don't want to do that. I just want to put funny pictures of the pets and of us on it to send to my father who complains all the time that he doesn't have any photos of us. Being new, I have not named the photo frame. If I can't figure it out within the next week I'll have to print out all the pictures and mail them to Dad. Maybe if I'd been doing that all along I wouldn't have had to buy the digital photo thingy and I'd be a much happier person right now.

My iPod doesn't want to sync with iTunes so I only have 10 songs on it, my iPhone thinks its 2006, I keep changing the year but if I power down it resets itself. We're there even iPhones in 2006? Is this 2006? Am I reallly here? I'd check on my GPS but no hablo inglis.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I've never really figured out exactly what a widgit is..

I use them. I have one that tells me I've saved weeks of life by not smoking and bundles of bucks for the same reason. I don't know why I keep it up because I'm back to smoking again because of the weight gain. I know, I know, but I'm not smoking very much, maybe 5 cigarettes a day and I'm hopefully waiting and watching for my weight to at least stabilize if it won't go down.

I also have widgets on my desktop that tell me the time in big numbers (glasses, age thing, blah blah blah) and what the weather is like in 3 different places. These widgets could also tell me my schedule but since I don't have outlook express 2007, just the old one, it doesn't work. Ah well. Still what is a widgit and what is it doing while it sits so innocently on my screen. Is the cigarette one mocking me, knowing its counting fake days? Is there someone these things report back to? "Hey, this ones still smoking boss"........Will they become angry with me if I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do. Maybe they'll turn evil and sneer at me whenever I sit in from of the screen. In which case I'll tell you what a widgit better not do. Piss me off, else its off with their widgit heads. I still think they're a bit creepy, maybe its just me but I'm sure they have ulterior motives. Widgit sounds so innocent doesn't it, but are they really?!?!?

Whats a widget?

Friday, October 10, 2008

Hot Yoga is Out

I am now officially way to fat for hot yoga. No one should be seen bending over in exercise clothes my size. Sheesh. You know it gets insane, my doctor always said lose weight. So ok, it took me a year but I lost 70 lbs. YAY me! Then came the "well you've lost weight, why don't you quit smoking now". So I did, I went on multiple medications and quit for 3 months. But...I gained 40 lbs, so I started smoking again. Not much, just a couple a day. There must be a happy medium somewhere but I just can't find it. Last week I went to the doctor and mine was away so I saw someone else. He, after hearing my complaints, handed me a tape measure and said "measure your waist". Mystified and somewhat alarmed I did so. When I told him what the tape said, he just smiled smugly and said "well if you'd lose some weight you'd feel much better". I guess they'll find his body some day, but me, I've just got a happy, self satisfied smile on my face as I eat a DQ Sundae and smoke my ciggy.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Hot Yoga

I've been doing hot (or Bikram) yoga on and off since December 07. It's one of the hardest workouts I think I've ever done. It was very hard in December when I first started it. Ninety minutes in a room heated to 105 degrees in the least amount of clothing you can wear because of the heat and humidity and in front of an amazing amount of mirrors. Arrrghhh. So I lasted a month but it affected me curiously and I (what they told me later) "hit a wall" so I stopped for awhile and since then due to lack of exercise and quitting smoking I've put on 20 pounds. So when I decided I was going to go back I had to face the humiliation of buying BIGGER YOGA CLOTHES. So now I was going back to the same heat and humidity and mirrors but in bigger exercise clothing.

Well, it seems to be having the same curious effect on me as it had the last time. It's a wonderful workout, you sweat like a pig and think you're going to die but you get through it. Even with the mirrors which are a terrible torture. But I become completely ravenous at the end of the workout and when I get home I eat everything in the house. I've tried starting out eating all the fruit in the house, but then I'm still hungry and I go on to the cheese, then the bread, then the cookies, etc etc etc. Now I've almost finished a month of this second course of hot yoga and I've gained another 6 lbs. But I'm much more limber now and can reach cookies hidden away on the tallest shelves or bend down and get to the chips in the back of the lowest cupboards. Is this a good thing? I'm thinking no.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Apology Accepted 30 Years Later

Well, further to my blog about the first man to break my heart. We kept on corresponding by email and I kept on feeling vaguely out of sorts. Then one night my MSN Messenger beeped at me that he wanted to add me on so we could CHAT!! Holy crap batman! I said yes and we chatted live for the first time. I decided what the hell lets just go for it right now and said to him "Aren't you surprised that I would even talk to you after all these years?" "Why wouldn't you be talking to me?" he asked. Sheesh. "BECAUSE YOU DUMPED ME YOU ASS" I said calmly.

"Oh.." he said, the messenger screen remained blank a few moments, obviously he was thinking of what to do with the realization that a crazy woman was still mad after all these years. "I'm sorry" finally came back on the screen. Now it was my turn to remain silent a few moments. "I forgive you" I typed back, and surprisingly, I meant it. "About time" he said. The End.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Are you happy Oprah, dammit, I've finally quit smoking

signed your pledge and boy am I bitchy. Well not really, well yes really. When I was frustrated tonight about getting our home computers to go wireless I did quite a bit of stomping and then ate a bag of bridge mixture chocolate candies (I don't even like chocolate) and half a bag of diet (Ha) cheesies. That was after a dinner of spiral french fries, no protein there at all. I did throw in a couple of grapes.

Its been 5 days 9 hrs 19 minutes and 26 seconds at this point that I've been smoke free. A handy dandy little gadget on my computer (which is still NOT wireless) tells me this constantly counting out the time and telling me how much of my life I've gained. Crap, how much have I lost in yelling at the computer, the hubby, the dogs, the car, the car in front of me, etc etc etc.

It doesn't seem to be any easier day by day. It seems harder and my "reptile brain" as Dr Oz calls it is constantly giving me more and more excuses, reasons, why I should just have one, or a puff, or a sniff, couldn't hurt. NO NO NO. They want to make me go back smoking I say NO NO NO

I'm weak, how long can I last...

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I just heard from the first man who broke my heart

it was through that An email popped up on my computer saying someone had left a message for me. I was quite surprised to see who it was from. My high school sweetheart, the boy to whom I gave my virginity (really I threw it at him)lets call him Peter (thats his name), had just tried out the site for amusement and had seen my name listed so, wow, why not send me a message and see what I was doing after all these years. How sweet. Really. I mean, it would be petty wouldn't it, to be mad after all these years, about our big break-up. Really. Thirty years, c'mon now lady. Honestly, I had thought of him off and on over the years, wondered what had happened to him, but not in any big way. I lived my life, married, divorced, fell in love and have been living common-law with a wonderful man for several years now. Hadn't I suspected, listing myself there that other people than female classmates might try to catch up with me?

For some reason though, this email really had struck some nerve somewhere and really bothered me. We exchanged a few uber friendly emails, caught up on each others lives, but I was still really bothered. After all, he was the first man to have really broken my heart. He was the man that all the other men in my life were profiled against, measured against, and whom I found myself failing again, against. All of this occurred to me after this first email. My whole loss of self worth seemed to have exploded with this man's rejection of me 30 years before. I know I shouldn't put all the blame on him, we were just two little f***'d up kids back then but I prefer to (sad grin).

So what is it I want? What will make me feel less bothered with this communication from my long lost past? I think I'd like an apology. Is that ridiculous? He doesn't have to mean it, crap, he doesn't even have to understand what exactly its for, but I think it would ease 30 years of something I didn't even realize still hurt. Seems that even though I'm 49 5/4 all of a sudden there's an angry teenager running around inside me again (God I hope this doesn't mean acne). Should I ask him? Burning question of the day!!!