Hot Yoga. Again?

I can't believe its been so long since I last blogged. I was just re-reading my hot yoga posts. The last time I posted about hot yoga was in January 2009. This is now January 2011 and I never did go back to it. I am toying with the idea of trying it again. I still haven't lost the 45 lbs I went up from quitting smoking (I am back to smoking again) and the eating after hot yoga sessions but even tho its been so long I do remember basically liking the classes. Takes me awhile to get up enough steam to move forward with anything. Obviously, lol, as its been 2 years.

An old friend recently moved to town and she had heard me mention the hot yoga and now wants me to go with her. I told her I'd had to buy new fat yoga clothes the last time I went and that if they fit me I'd go. I've dug them out and they now lay on a chair in my computer room and are I'm sure sneering at me and daring me to try them on. I do not want to buy fat fat yoga clothes and stare at myself, sweating, in the mirrored yoga room walls. Decisions, decisions. I do need to get out and do something, in the last year or so I've lost all my momentum and, it seems, my sense of humor.

In a few more days/weeks, hmmm, I'm going to try on the fat yoga outfit and if it fits I've instructed my friend to drag me to a class. Since this year is the 6th anniversary of my 49th birthday I think I should do something before I really turn 50.

You can bounce a quarter off these puppies.

Approaching the 4th anniversary of my 49th birthday I'm trying to look as good as I say I feel, for 49 of course. Thus my botox experience and having my lips done. Ahh lips. It started when someone sent me a photo from my junior high year book. I looked at it and thought to myself, "that girl has lips". Looking in the mirror I compared the "girl's" lips to mine now. I had none. Just a thin stretch of lip on top and bottom. Horrors!! So off to the dermatoligist's office to see about getting my lips back. "I dont want Angelina lips" I told her, thinking, well maybe I do but... and tra la, several hundred dollars and an hour later I had my junior high lips back again. "Kiss me" I told my husband when I got home. "You can bounce a quarter off these puppies!" I proclaimed happily. He declined, for the moment he said, till the swelling went down. I pouted prettily (I think). Ten days later I went back for my check up, still deleriously happy with my lips, and the dermatologist suggested I might want to get rid of that frown line. It really did clash with my pretty lips. So...several hundred dollars later I am frownless. It really is nice but I'm having to work on a deadly stare since I can't frown at people anymore who don't notice my lips.

Hot Yoga, The Sequel To The Sequel

Am I a glutton for punishment or what? I'm actually thinking of, maybe, perhaps, we'll see, going back there again. The scene of my greatest humiliations. The nightmarescape of my worst yoga clothing related fears. The...but I digress. Yes, I have been feeling better, more energy (had a bout with low magnesium and have been on prescription liquid magnesium, yuck) so a when a new friend asked if I wanted to go back to it I said no, not really, but that was in my head, my mouth apparently said sure we can go, I'll show you what to do.

I guess I can go back and pretend I'm new and have never been there before. They can't possibly recognize me after gaining 45 pounds altogether. I've dyed my hair red and I'll be wearing complete body covering yoga clothes. But the mirrors will still be there, all those mirrors. Walls and walls of them, everywhere you turn. You can't close your eyes because you should be watching the instructor, or the mirrors, and closing my eyes makes me lose my balance, and falling down flat on my face is bound to draw some kind of attention so thats out.

I could lie to the new friend and say I really never took hot yoga. That I was just trying to impress her with my deep knowledge of sweating techniques. But she's seen my key tag card that lets me just swipe in my info instead of signing in. Damn. Turns out the little peculiarity I had about eating insanely after each session and gaining weight was related to my ever lowering magnesium levels. Threw my electrolytes all out of whack and the hunger was my body telling me that something was wrong somewhere. So, maybe this time I might sweat off a little fat instead of adding to it. Maybe, but really I think the easiest idea is to ditch the new friend and cover all the mirrors in my house with colorful material to make them look like artsy wall hangings.

I am definately NOT smarter than a 5th grader

because lately I can't seem to do the simplest things with the new technology. My GPS thinks its in Mexico but isn't sure because it cannot find itself via satellite. Also I can only work it on the computer screen, its like a little virtual GPS on-screen but the moment I unhook it from the computer, it freezes. Some kind of artificial intelligence mental breakdown I think. I only put the Mexico map on it because I'd love someday to drive to there. If Sheila (my GPS, she says turn this way, she says turn that way, therefore Sheila) can't find her groove soon I don't know how I'll find my way anywhere.

My digital photo frame (a Christmas present for my father) is filled with pictures that I put on it but can I remember how I did it? And the instructions that come with the darned thing don't seem to cover anything at all just how you go online and share all your photo's with everyone. I don't want to do that. I just want to put funny pictures of the pets and of us on it to send to my father who complains all the time that he doesn't have any photos of us. Being new, I have not named the photo frame. If I can't figure it out within the next week I'll have to print out all the pictures and mail them to Dad. Maybe if I'd been doing that all along I wouldn't have had to buy the digital photo thingy and I'd be a much happier person right now.

My iPod doesn't want to sync with iTunes so I only have 10 songs on it, my iPhone thinks its 2006, I keep changing the year but if I power down it resets itself. We're there even iPhones in 2006? Is this 2006? Am I reallly here? I'd check on my GPS but no hablo inglis.

I've never really figured out exactly what a widgit is..

I use them. I have one that tells me I've saved weeks of life by not smoking and bundles of bucks for the same reason. I don't know why I keep it up because I'm back to smoking again because of the weight gain. I know, I know, but I'm not smoking very much, maybe 5 cigarettes a day and I'm hopefully waiting and watching for my weight to at least stabilize if it won't go down.

I also have widgets on my desktop that tell me the time in big numbers (glasses, age thing, blah blah blah) and what the weather is like in 3 different places. These widgets could also tell me my schedule but since I don't have outlook express 2007, just the old one, it doesn't work. Ah well. Still what is a widgit and what is it doing while it sits so innocently on my screen. Is the cigarette one mocking me, knowing its counting fake days? Is there someone these things report back to? "Hey, this ones still smoking boss"........Will they become angry with me if I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do. Maybe they'll turn evil and sneer at me whenever I sit in from of the screen. In which case I'll tell you what a widgit better not do. Piss me off, else its off with their widgit heads. I still think they're a bit creepy, maybe its just me but I'm sure they have ulterior motives. Widgit sounds so innocent doesn't it, but are they really?!?!?

Whats a widget?

Hot Yoga is Out

I am now officially way to fat for hot yoga. No one should be seen bending over in exercise clothes my size. Sheesh. You know it gets insane, my doctor always said lose weight. So ok, it took me a year but I lost 70 lbs. YAY me! Then came the "well you've lost weight, why don't you quit smoking now". So I did, I went on multiple medications and quit for 3 months. But...I gained 40 lbs, so I started smoking again. Not much, just a couple a day. There must be a happy medium somewhere but I just can't find it. Last week I went to the doctor and mine was away so I saw someone else. He, after hearing my complaints, handed me a tape measure and said "measure your waist". Mystified and somewhat alarmed I did so. When I told him what the tape said, he just smiled smugly and said "well if you'd lose some weight you'd feel much better". I guess they'll find his body some day, but me, I've just got a happy, self satisfied smile on my face as I eat a DQ Sundae and smoke my ciggy.

Hot Yoga

I've been doing hot (or Bikram) yoga on and off since December 07. It's one of the hardest workouts I think I've ever done. It was very hard in December when I first started it. Ninety minutes in a room heated to 105 degrees in the least amount of clothing you can wear because of the heat and humidity and in front of an amazing amount of mirrors. Arrrghhh. So I lasted a month but it affected me curiously and I (what they told me later) "hit a wall" so I stopped for awhile and since then due to lack of exercise and quitting smoking I've put on 20 pounds. So when I decided I was going to go back I had to face the humiliation of buying BIGGER YOGA CLOTHES. So now I was going back to the same heat and humidity and mirrors but in bigger exercise clothing.

Well, it seems to be having the same curious effect on me as it had the last time. It's a wonderful workout, you sweat like a pig and think you're going to die but you get through it. Even with the mirrors which are a terrible torture. But I become completely ravenous at the end of the workout and when I get home I eat everything in the house. I've tried starting out eating all the fruit in the house, but then I'm still hungry and I go on to the cheese, then the bread, then the cookies, etc etc etc. Now I've almost finished a month of this second course of hot yoga and I've gained another 6 lbs. But I'm much more limber now and can reach cookies hidden away on the tallest shelves or bend down and get to the chips in the back of the lowest cupboards. Is this a good thing? I'm thinking no.